What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
