It's Friday. Sex?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
