I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
