someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize