i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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