I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
