Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
