i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
