I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize