apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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