I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
