So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
