Whatcha textin bout Willis?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
