OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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