Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
