it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
