she told me i tasted like america
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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