Jerry, you need to find god
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
