wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
