No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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