I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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