As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm always down for nudity.
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