My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
