my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
