she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
