he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
