oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
