Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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