but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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