Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
