WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize