Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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