Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
