i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
