One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
