would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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