i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
COCAINE IS GR8
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
