Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
