do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
