I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
