I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
