Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
