That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
