He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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