Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range

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(314): View more from Missouri

What happened to the watermelon?

(1-314): View more from Missouri

You fucked it.

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(207): View more from Maine

he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem

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(301): View more from Maryland

Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.

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(310): View more from California

Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter

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(512): View more from Texas

My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.

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