they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
