so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
