Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
