giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize