we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
