Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
