she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
