please come you make the beer taste better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
