I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
