meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
