dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
