it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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