we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
