he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize