I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
