I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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