Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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