CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
