I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
