ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
