You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
