Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
