Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
