Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
