If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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