Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
