pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
