so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
