Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
