dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She bit a glass in half.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
